Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Parable of Mr. Elephantdonkey



10/2/12
Once upon a time there was an elephant and a donkey walking down the sidewalk in Anytown, USA.  As they are walking along, they meet a tiny snail who is crossing their path.
“Nice to meet you Mr. Elephant and Mr. Donkey,” said the snail.
“Likewise,” replied Mr. Elephant and Mr. Donkey.
All of a sudden the snail was bitten in half and carried away by a large Doberman pinscher.
“This snail died for his country,” said Mr. Elephant.  “He should be given a proper burial.  We must conduct a search and rescue mission immediately to reclaim his remains.  This snail is an American hero.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” said Mr. Donkey.  “This snail clearly wanted to die today.  And furthermore, knew that this Doberman would be here to kill him and run off with his body.  No such mission should take place because it was the snail’s wishes for his death to be carried out in this manner.”
This argument went on for several minutes until a hybrid half-donkey, half-elephant creature by the name of Mr. Elephantdonkey walks onto the scene.
“What seems to be the problem here?” asked Mr. Elephantdonkey.
The two engaged verbal combatants barely noticed anyone else was there as they continued to trade barbs about what the snail’s actual wishes may have been.  Finally one of them noticed Mr. Elephantdonkey.
“This snail knew what the circumstances of walking in this area were, and chose to do so anyway.  He clearly had a deathwish, and wanted to die a horrible death right here in this spot today,” said Mr. Donkey.  “Mr. Elephant here seems to think differently.  HA I say!"
“This snail should have a national holiday named after him,” said Mr. Elephant.  “He is the greatest hero this country has ever known.  Not only should we reclaim his remains, but we should smoke out the damn dirty Doberman that committed this heinous act.  It’s what the snail and God would both want us to do.”
Both the donkey and the elephant stated their cases to Mr. Elephantdonkey.  He considered both sides carefully.
“You both understand that there is no clear way to know for sure what this snail’s intentions were, or any real reason to consider him a hero, right?”
“PISHPOSH!!!” said both elephant and donkey.
“No, seriously, there is no possible way either one of you can know for sure what the exact right thing to do in this situation would be.  Not enough information was given to either of you prior to the incident so you are both just guessing.  It also is foolish to think that either of you could ever be totally right in this instance when you are speaking for someone that is not even present.  You can harbor your own opinions and discuss them with others, but to ever think to yourself that your way is the only way, is not only a disservice to your fellow elephant or donkey, but to yourselves as well.  Too many like the both of you have decided that there is no other way but their own and that that is final.  This is hardly ever the situation though fellas.  Look at me, I have a little of each of you in me and I’m pretty smart right?”
“No,” said Mr. Donkey and Mr. Elephant.
“Look, each of you has made valid arguments, and it is now up to you both to decide on a proper way to carry on.  All I can offer is the advice that if you continue in this manner that you will probably never make any real progress, and real progress, my friends, is made when more than just one group agrees that progress is being made.  Otherwise, it just leads to more polarization and separation.”
Right as Mr. Elephantdonkey finished saying his piece, both Mr. Donkey and Mr. Elephant continued arguing.  They were both mauled by a velociraptor shortly thereafter.  They are now dead.  All because they were too stubborn to listen to anyone and try to meet in the middle...

Sunday, September 23, 2012

3 Days in May




5/14/12

            I think that I should probably start writing down ideas of things to write about whenever I first think of them.  I just sat down here and nothing happened.  I don’t think this is due to me not having anything to say, but rather it is due to me sitting down with too much to say.  There’s too much clutter in my mental attic right now and I am still trying to sift through it all now that summer has just gotten here….And I have a feeling there will always be more clutter to come.

            Bill Simmons is someone that I had heard of before, but just actually found out who he really was.  He is a writer for ESPN and he followed a similar college path as I did.  He received a B.A. in Political Science just like I did.  He also wrote for his college newspaper at the time, something that I did not do and wish I had given a shot.  I worked for my daily college newspaper for a short time but didn’t end up sticking with it.  I was a copy-editor, which in terms of excitement ranks somewhere between categorizing birds in a bird watching guide and watching paint dry.  The writers and reporters would gather and write their stories and then it goes to an assistant editor who then would send it to me, the copy-editor, and I would then send it to the head editor of the paper for a final run through.  Every article goes through three sets of eyes before it goes to the layout department.  I understand why so many people are asked to read through an article, but it still seemed a little overkill to me.  I essentially was telling myself that my job didn’t matter.  In hindsight, (which is always helpful in any situation) I probably was doing the paper a service because on many long nights I highly doubt that every set of eyes was going over the material to the highest of their abilities.  I have a feeling this may be the reason that I always pick up a handful of grammatical errors in my favorite dailies.  Maybe I missed my calling…I was born to spellcheck things.

            I am often scared that I really may have missed my calling, and this often makes me wonder what I might go back and do if I had a time machine.  (I should probably write that down as something to write about later)  While it may be a fun thing to daydream about, it can also lead to painful feelings of “what-if.”  I don’t have access to a time machine and I don’t know anyone else that does either.  Maybe I should stop thinking that way.  My cooperating teacher that I taught under for my student teaching did mention on occasion that you can buy one somewhere online for around $5,000.  He is just the type of cat that may be telling the truth about it too, all the while passing it off as a joke.  I’ll file this under things to investigate and write about later too.

            I picked up “Post Office,” by Charles Bukowski earlier.  Bukowski has always fascinated me because he did not start writing professionally until he was almost to middle age.  This makes me think that there may be hope for me after all of living through letters.  I doubt I will drink and fornicate as much as him though because I love my girlfriend and dog very much.  I love the way that he writes about the post office and his experiences while working as one of the many foot soldiers of our mail system.  I am only a few chapters into it and I know that I am going to enjoy it.  We often take for granted how our mail comes to us I think.  He gives the invisible deliverers some humanity and throws his own personal adventures into it.  I like the idea of using his approach as a possible one to my own writing.  Making personal adventures out of my day-to-day grind while I look for my own voice is something to think about.

            I just need to write.  I need to write everyday about anything and everything.  It may not always be interesting and it may not always be easy, but I think that it is necessary if I am going to take this idea of writing to the next level.  And along the way I can refine my skills, like a musician would do.  I can also borrow from the greats that have come before me.

5/15/12
            Before, I talked about Bukowski and how he gave a sense of humanity to the job of a postman.  He writes about himself and his own perceptions and how they carry over into his profession.  His profession just happens to get him into situations where he is walking around hungover, trying to keep German Shepherds from burying their snouts in his gonads.  If that is not humanity, then you show me what is…

            Isn't all writing about humanity?  When the Hindenburg went down in flames, and Herbert Morrison was there, and witnessed one of the first live horrific scenes that have ever been caught on tape, he could not contain himself.  He says, “oh, the humanity.”  He tells his engineer, Charlie Nehlsen, that he has to step aside.  It was the most terrible thing he had ever witnessed…And the words that will always be remembered from that fateful day are, “oh, the humanity."

            Humans are the ones that read, listen to, and watch media.  Believe it or not, every single one of us has an inner monologue and feelings of our own.  It is hard to believe, but even some of the seemingly most despicable people on the planet are still humans.  No matter how much that we want to say, “say it ain’t so,” it is so.  Even Osama bin Laden was a human being, and in no way whatsoever does my saying so negate the HORRENDOUS things that he saw were carried out against humanity.  He got what he deserved.  Sometimes humanity can be its own worst enemy.

            The fact that we are still here though tells me that we ought to make an effort to somehow embrace our shared humanity.  One of my personal heroes, Kurt Vonnegut, was a humanist.  A humanist is someone that is mainly concerned with issues that pertain only to us humans here on earth.  By my own understanding, it is someone who wants to only attempt to solve the conflicts that are within our earthly control, meaning that we ought not to involve other worldly beings in our business here on earth.  We should leave those matters to The Avengers. 

5/17/12
            I never thought that I would actually be afraid of getting a job.  I have a job interview this coming Monday, and I have a good feeling about my chances of getting hired…and it scares the beejesus out of me.  It scares me because I feel like it would mean that I finally gave in.  After all these years of looking for that which will make me truly happy, I have finally had to settle for less.

            I try to talk to others about this and it never seems to work out.  I have a feeling that it never seems to work out because these people are not telling me what I want to hear.  I’ve had a nice long run of jumping from one rock to the next and I am now out of rocks.

            The job in question is with the school district that I just recently completed my student teaching in, and it is in their alternative school.  I would like to say that by alternative I mean that it is something that runs against the status quo, but it’s really just a place where they throw the kids who have behavior or truancy issues that have gone beyond what the regular school is willing to tolerate.  I know this because I used to work at one as a teacher’s aide.

            Anyway, by taking this job or one similar to it, does it mean that I am giving in?  Couldn’t I keep on working towards my ultimate goal of writing for a living in my evenings, weekends, and holiday and summer breaks?  I really do love my girlfriend and dog very much and it would be really nice if I could start to actually help support the three of us.  When I think about it that way then it starts to make more sense.  I can’t be selfish here; I have got to put them first.  Hopefully the rest will fall into place.

            I have just come to two conclusions in my head; that I love and need to be able to support my girlfriend and dog, and that I love writing and need to keep it up.  After all, writing brought me to the two conclusions I just made.  Maybe one of these days I’ll try to write a story…

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Why The Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes Pt. I



           You know why the angels wanna wear my red shoes???  It ain’t because I’m as awesome as I think I am...  It’s because I have been surrounded by the most awesome people that I can ever imagine having in my corner at any given time…

            I am the creation of the two most polar opposite folks on the face of the planet.  Yet, I have acquired the greatest attributes that either one of my folks could offer.  We’re all here as a product of our parents, and all of our parents have at least some good things to offer for us to carry on in our lives.  I just happen to be lucky enough to be one of the ones that have a lot to be thankful for from my folks going forward, even if one is as far north and the other is as far south as far as personalities go.

            My sense of humor has gotten me through a lot of rough times, and I have had to have gotten it from both of my parents right?  I grew up watching old reruns of Saturday Night Live on Nick at Nite, and Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and Steve Martin comedy specials as a kid with both mom during the week and dad on the weekends (more on all this in later posts I'm sure).  I also got the new live episodes of SNL on the weekends with dad back in the 90's.  I’m really not sure what this provided me with throughout my childhood except that maybe it showed me that all of the crap that was going on around me in my own immediate circle, as well as the larger world around me maybe wasn’t so drastic as it was being made out to be.  There was always room to laugh.  I just wrote about my Aunt Vickie, and she would have definitely backed me up on this point.  There is always time to laugh, even if your parents don’t like each other most of the time.

            My dad is one of the most laid back fellows that you will ever have the good fortune of coming across.  He is a zen-farmer.  I thank my lucky stars for this.  He is not rattled.  You could walk up to him and tell him that the moon just swallowed the sun and he would say, “well, that’s not going to be good for the crops this year…”  And he probably wouldn’t even say it.  He would probably just think it and if you are lucky to know him well enough, (few are) you would just know that that is what he is thinking.  I am very lucky to be able to let things do a summersault off of my back most of the time, and I can’t help but think it is because my pops is a literal poster boy for calmly taking in life, no matter the circumstances.

            My momma really likes dogs.  She likes dogs a lot.  She rescues them.  She rescues a lot of them.  I once told her that she couldn’t rescue them all.  She said, “I get mad when people tell me that.  I know I can’t rescue them all, but I can rescue all that I can.”  She’s compassionate as shit.  I don’t mean that literally because shit isn’t something that we equate as being very compassionate.  I say that because when you are compassionate enough to take in as many animals as you possibly can, to save them from euthanasia, poor conditions, or whatever other circumstances could possibly trouble them, you become compassionate enough to put up with a lot of literal shit in your yard, garage, and floor.  She has no problem with this.  I get my drive to help those of the two and four legged variety from my mother, and I know in my heart that this is something that will be invaluable to me for as long as I live.

            We’re all a product of the chromosomes that spit us out, no matter how much or less we like to admit it.  I am surrounded by so many wonderful people in my life, (including my beautiful girlfriend veronica who I will write to and about for many years to come I am sure) and those are the people that have shaped me and they are the reason that the angels wanna wear my red shoes…My parents are just part of the reason, and I love both of them very much.  Step-parents, aunts, uncles, bros, sis’s, cousins, grandparents, and friends from all over are all part of the equation too…for all of us.

Pearl Jam Rocks!

-Luke

PS:  If you’re reading this, check back, because I’m going to keep updating...Even if no one reads it.  So if you’re not reading this then fuck off.

           

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

An Inspiration



            A week ago today, on September 4, 2012 my family lost my Aunt Vickie Niederhofer after 15 years of battling myasthenia gravis.  She was one of the most courageous and compassionate people that anyone could have ever had the good fortune of knowing.  Standing up at her funeral visitation, my family and I were greeted by her former co-workers, childhood friends, and parents of so many of the residents that she helped and looked after from Murray Center (she used to run the place). I was told by so many of them about the love and respect that they had for her, and so many of them spoke to us about times that she helped them.  She was a helper and she was a doer.  It was never about what she could do to help or further her own needs, it was always about the needs of others and what she could do to help them. 
 
Aunt Vic lived her life for her sons and the rest of her family and there was never any question of how much she loved us and anyone else that was close to her.  She was a leader who could be very bossy.  I, along with her entire family and especially my cousins Travis and Adam, know this from firsthand knowledge and also heard it from the many people who worked under her at Murray, but every one of those same folks would also say that there wasn’t anything she would not have done for them.  She was a leader that mostly led by example and she would say that every one of us has the capability of doing the same.

There are people out there that have brightened my day just by the way that they carried themselves or by a complement that I heard them give someone.  These are people that you look at and can tell that they are genuinely happy.  They aren’t happy just because things seem to be going their way.  They are happy because it is their nature to look at the bright side of life no matter what is happening.  They are happy because, why be not be happy?  These are the people that unknowingly change others’ lives.  Aunt Vickie was one of these people.  Now you may not have seen her skipping down the street and whistling to herself, but she definitely changed lives and led a happy life every day.  I know this because I was lucky enough to be her nephew and I know this because my family and I have been told by so many people that we had never met before just how much she meant to them.  She was someone that they knew they could count on.  She was someone that they knew would have their backs and would fight for them.  She was someone that had all the attributes that we need to have more of in this world.

Her laugh was contagious and it could brighten up your day on the drop of a dime.  Whenever I was around her I would often do whatever I could to get her to laugh, and she usually would.  I think part of the time she was probably laughing just so I would feel like I was funny, part of the time I may have said something funny, but most of the time she was laughing just because she loved to.  She was a young soul.  She had a great sense of humor and that is one of things that I will miss most about her.  She could also be quite the wisenheimer when it came to smart-ass remarks and rebuttals to people when they would complain to her about something.  She could take you by surprise pretty quickly with some of the things that would come out of her mouth, but you could not help but love her for it.  I will miss these particular things about my Aunt Vickie so much.  She was an aunt that I felt just as comfortable goofing around with at the dinner table during holidays as I did with my siblings and cousins.   If you told her that she needed to clean her house, she probably would have told you to kiss her ass.  Her house was always cluttered and I know that a lot of the reason for this was because she just didn’t have the energy to clean sometimes.  I think it also had to do with her not thinking about herself half as much as she was thinking of others.  She wasn’t here for herself.  She was here for everyone else.  She probably would have also told you that all brilliant people throughout history were messy.

During my brief time on this earth I have dealt with more instances of death than I have liked.  I have learned that it is quite simply a part of life.  One thing I have noticed through it all is how much all of us that are still here connect with one another after the passing of a loved one.  It is a beautiful thing.  It may have become clichéd to say that it is a shame that it takes losing someone to bring everyone together, that it is a shame that it takes losing someone for us to tell each other how much we appreciate each other, or for us to realize just how lucky we are to have each other in our lives.  There are truths to most clichés.  Looking back now I see so many things that I knew and loved about Aunt Vickie while she was still here, but may not have thought as much about until now that she is gone.  Anyone who could be sick for 15 years and tackle it with the courage and outlook that she had is someone that I, along with many others could look to as someone to inspire us. She found a way to see the good in everyone.  I have said to more than a few people over the last week that if Aunt Vickie did not like someone that they probably didn’t deserve to be liked.  She led her life as a strong Christian that did not judge others.  There is so much that I would love to have talked to her about now that she is gone.  We all need to look at one another and take the time to appreciate each other while we’re here.  I am guilty of saying it’s a “shame that it takes losing someone” for us to connect with each other and then going on about my life and forgetting that I had said it.  I’m ready to start living it every day now.  Aunt Vickie did.

So next time you’re thinking about calling a loved one or emailing them or whatever, and then saying, “nah, I’ll do it tomorrow,” don’t put it off.  It doesn’t take that much just to tell a loved one or friend that you love them and are here for them.  You never really do know how much you could be helping someone by doing so.  Looking back, there is so much more I wish I had been able to talk to Aunt Vic about.  I wish I would have made it a point to go see her more often and just enjoy her laugh, or just talk to her about life.  She would keep notebooks full of scripture passages, literature, or just uplifting quotes from people and then she would give them to folks.  I wish I would have just gotten the chance to sit and discuss some of the things that I saw in these notebooks with her.  It is human nature not to realize all that you have until it is gone, but I can try my best to see it while it’s here.  We all can.  I’ve been blessed with so many great family members and friends in my life, and I’ll be damned if I am going to look back in the future and regret not making the best of my time with them…

Aunt Vickie, wherever you are right now, know that we all miss you so much.  You are and always will be an inspiration and there is so much I wish I could have shared with you while you were here.  You are the best aunt that a nephew or niece could ask for and I know Travis and Adam speak the same of you as a mother.  You stuck up for me at my most boneheaded times and this is something that only someone with a heart as big as yours would have done, and I will never forget it.  As much as we all will miss you, we are all very lucky people to have had you in our lives.  You will always be with us and you are an inspiration to me in the courage that you never let go of.  We will all see you again someday.

PS:  You probably already have, but could you see if you could get some help for the Cardinals?  At the time that I’m writing this, they’ve lost 10 of their last 13.

PPS:  I hope they have good maids in heaven.

We love you Aunt Vic.